Best Man Speech #4

I would like to thank ______ for his kind words on behalf of the bridesmaids who look absolutely wonderful and have done a fantastic job today.

I would like to start by complimenting the bride on how amazing she looks this evening.

As for ______, well what can I say, we tried our best. It was of course a great honor to be chosen as best man. But from the moment ______ asked me it was clear that the best man speech would be the most challenging part of the day. If only because of having to select, only some, from the wealth of embarrassing stories of which I could choose.

So I had to prepare. I took my standard approach and indeed most men’s approach when faced with a problem they know little of nothing about. I bought a book and surfed on the internet.

Now for those of you who have had the pleasure of being best man will understand, the book found its way to the garbage almost before I got through the door. And, as I’m sure I’m not the only man in the room who has found far more interesting things to look at on the internet. I drew a blank.

The most reliable source of information would clearly come from the friends and family with whom he would share this special day. So buddy, I wrote down a few words with which some of them used to describe you.

A great friend; Thoughtful, caring, trusting and charismatic. In fact I barely found a person who had a bad word to say. Although, I did find some.

When I heard belligerent, ungrateful, lazy, stubborn and obstinate I thought hang on that’s a bit rough (maybe not entirely untrue but certainly a bit unnecessary for a best mans speech) ………….but if his parents don’t know him then who does.

When speaking to everyone I learned a bit about _______ childhood. I met him at university and knew little about how he grew up.

His sisters confirmed, what I had expected myself, that it was indeed from an early age that _____ had realized his appearance would be a fundamental part of his character. However, it appears that he struggled to find a style of his own.

(Embarrassing photo’s scanned onto slides for projector)

The other personality trait which everyone agreed defines ______ is his general obsessive ness. Whether it relates to his passion for his hair, his neatness, his formula 1 addiction or his obsessive talking which coupled with his unhealthy love of technology can form a lethal combination.

I thought it had been just me who had been subjected to marathon conversations about the racing specifications of the latest F1, his most recent upgrade of mobile phone, or the relative merits of all four championship manager football games. But it appears he has inflicted this to some degree upon all of us. But we love him all the same.

Having shared some of your thoughts with me. I will be glad to share with you some of my own experiences with _____. If you had supposed that there was a darker side to ____, you’d be right.

This is the time, where as tradition dictates, I would be failing in my duties as best man if I did not include some stories about masculine behavior and drinking ridiculous amounts of alcohol. However, stories like this can come across so easily as being juvenile and distasteful.

I have three good examples of such stories.

The first, _____, having been apprehensive about being dressed up for his 21st birthday was relieved to find that the costume chosen was that of a racing driver. Only to be horribly disappointed that the nipples and bottom had been cut out as we dressed him up ready for a night on the town.

Another good example would be _____ first and hopefully last attempt at forming international relations with France. For which he supported by myself and many friends found himself on a booze cruise in France. After having been drinking for 24hours he was dressed up as Frenchman complete with a Berret, Stripey T-shirt and a String of onions. I think by the end of the holiday we had even gone as far as developing the stereotypical smell of the Frenchmen. A true ambassador of the country _______.

The final example would have to involve the events of the stag do in Prague of which I will only share only this. When confronted with an angry Czech police officer, who brandishing a baton and gun, has just stopped you for being drunk and disorderly – what do you do? It is braver man than me who when horribly drunk, dressed as a super hero, with an inflatable sex doll in one hand and with a ball and chain in his other answers to the question ‘What is your name’ with ‘I’m Batman’. Adam West would have been appalled.

Okay, none of that actually happened. However, that story certainly caught _____ lovely eye, just as she caught _____ eye. It was almost love at first site for _____

I’m not convinced that love blossomed as quickly on ____ part, as from his speech, it seems too had done with _____. I think the words I heard used were jumped up and overconfident. But I wouldn’t worry about that ____, I’ve heard him described as far worse things before.

And being the dedicated and work-orientated man that he is covered far more ground in the handover that I’m sure is outlined in any corporate handbook. And I for one am glad that he did as it was the start of a beautiful relationship which we are all here to celebrate today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has been a fantastic honor doing this job today. You’ve been very kind in listening to me. And, now I have just a few thank you to add.

Firstly, I’d like to join the groom in thanking ________ for being fabulous hosts.
Secondly, I’d like to thank the Zoo for giving ______ day release from the monkey enclosure.

I’d like to thank you all for joining the couple Celebrate this very special day in their lives.

I have one special thank you which I have had to add today. We had a minor disaster last night at ______ house. His trusted Best man, when ironing our shirts for the big day, managed to burn a massive iron mark on the sleeve of, guess who, but the Grooms shirt. Thinking quickly we swapped it with one of the Ushers. Judging by his face he has had no idea but deserves thanks for taking one for the team.

And finally, it gives me the greatest pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding and join me in toasting the bride and groom on what I’m sure will be a very long and happy marriage.