Funny Best Man Speeches

Before I get to the best man speech sample, let me tell you that the best man speech is often very light and humorous. Men generally like to stay humorous because it is simply easier to communicate and relax that way. The samples that I have put up are meant to be entertaining to the listeners and the bridal couple. I hope that you like them.

Good Afternoon Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys and Girls.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is ________ and for those of you that do ... well I apologize.

Foolishly, ________ has given me the great honor of being best man for him on this very special day. Let me just say how grateful I was to have been chosen to speak at such a joyous occasion, the wedding of ______and ______.

Unfortunately, those feelings have now gone out the window and I stand here before you ... terrified.

Before I hand you over to ______, I would just like to say a big "Thank you" to the bridesmaids because they have done a marvelous job in helping _____, and look fantastic!!!!

In fact they are only eclipsed by ______ herself, who, I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning today. The groom however, just looks stunned.
Right now I would like to ask both (the bride and the grooms name here) to take part in my speech. Bride will you please place your left/right hand on the table. Groom will you please place your left/right hand on top of Bride’s

I would like to ask you both to keep your hands in this position until the end of my speech and believe me ‘groom’ you will regret it if you don’t.
I would like to also thank you for finally admitting after all this time that I have known you, that I am the best man!

Instead of telling you a bunch of stories that can drag on forever, you will have to listen to my marital advice instead. I’m not sure I’m the best person to dish out advice! But I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple

1. First, set the ground rules and establish whose boss - then do everything she says

2. Second, Married Life Can Be Compared To Football ... so, Be Fully Committed Every Week And Make Sure That You Score Every Saturday.

3. Third, remember the 5 ‘ings’; the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the compromising, the children’s swing, and the enduring.

4. Don’t forget, if you buy her flowers, she knows you're feeling guilty, and she will remember, to the second, the last time you bought her some ... AND the reason why!

5. Lastly, there are three words you must never forget, ‘You're right dear’.

For the bride

For you I have the 5 key tips to a successful marriage.

A man who will treat you right and always stand by your side

A man who will shower you with gifts and compliments

A man who will comfort you in times of trouble.

A man who will please you and grant your every request.

Most importantly, make sure Ensure that each man does not know the other ones names.
But really ______. you are one lucky man! You married ______ today.

She’s a beautiful, smart, funny, loving, and caring young woman.
She really deserves a great husband. Thank god she married you before she found one.

Have you still got your hands together? .... Good, good

I Spoke To Both ____ And _____ Before The Wedding And I Asked _____ What He Was Looking For In Marriage - He Said "Love, Happiness And Eventually A Family."

When I Asked _____ The Same Question - She Replied - A Coffee Perculator!
Well, She Actually Said A "Perky Copulator" But I Knew What She Meant...

The final and most important task, of the best man is knowing when enough is enough and I think that that time has arrived as I look down at my girlfriend and see her with her head in her hands, wondering “what have I done”

It has been an honor and a privilege to be best man today. Thanks again for letting me have the job! And I honestly couldn’t wish for a better friend to be best man for.
I think you will all agree that today, _____ truly is the best man and apart from _____ being the most stunning person in the room, she is also the luckiest.

Now, in case any of you are wondering why I asked ______ to place his hand on top of ______, I will tell you now. _____ ... as my final role, it has been with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last five minutes in which you will ever have the upper hand over ______.
Please stand up and raise your glasses to Mr. & Mrs. ****** !!!